The Goblin King Sueth
by CoffeeKris
Summary: The Prosecution: Jareth the Goblin King The Defendant: CoffeeKris The Jury: YOU!
1. Chapter 1

**CoffeeKris: Hello my beloved readers! No I know I havn't updated _The Aftermath of Sarah's Victory_...but don't kill me, it's in progress. Anywho, I wrote this a while back and I think it's time I posted it. So come in, sit, you are a member of the jury!  
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The judge banged his gavel several times to quiet the noisy room full of scribes, goblins, and various other creatures from the Labyrinth. He was happy to be wearing a white curly wig rather than his normal Spanish bird hat; the wig didn't insult him or drain his energy. The Wise man cleared his throat and banged the gavel one more time.

"This is the case of Jareth: King of the Goblins versus CoffeeKris: Scribe to the Kingdom. The charges are: abuse of scribal power, assault with various objects, and forcing indecent exposure. How does the defense plead? "

Kris stood from her seat, walked out from her table and put her shoulder length, dark blonde hair into a ponytail before rolling up her sleeves.

" I plead like this, your honor. " She fell to her knees and clasped her hands together.

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE don't award judgment to Jareth! PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE, I beg of you! "

Standing, she brushed off her knees and smiled before going back to her seat. The Wise man nodded with a contemplative look on his face.

"I see…now do you plead guilty or not guilty? "

"Not guilty, "

From his seat on the plaintiff's side, Jareth rolled his eyes and inwardly cursed the fact that he was unable to have Kris charged Aboveground where the justice system was much more black and white than the Labyrinth's strange form of justice. The Wise Man shifted in his seat, making a sound somewhere between a snort and a clearing of the throat, before turning to Jareth.

"Would the Prosecution please state their case? "

Jareth stood and cast a dark glance at Kris before he spoke.

"Your honor, and I use the term loosely, the Defendant has : threatened to make me believe I am a tree, threatened to write a story in which I do nothing but speak in rhyme, covered me in chocolate and thrown me to the mercy of fan girls, responded to me with 'your face' countless times, lied to me, tricked me, irritated me, subjected me to being in her presence after she has consumed large amounts of sugar, forced me to take off my shirt countless times, threatened to write a slash story between Hogshead and I, "

Kris pounded a fist on her table and stood.

"OBJECTION! His name is Hoggle!"

The Wise Man nodded and Jareth sighed, continuing.

" She has also: wrote a thirteen part Goblin Opera called _'Thirteen Hundred Reasons Kris Could Kick Our Sock Stuffed Sparkly Spandex King In His Royal Highness's Highny'_, taught the Goblins about Opera, encouraged them to constantly perform the Opera for me, cast a chicken to play the part of me,"

Kris shook her head.

"Objection! The chicken had wonderful charisma and was the only one able to strut like the Persecution, "

Jareth sighed.

"You mean Prosecution."

Kris shrugged.

"I stand by what I said,"

Jareth scowled and returned to his list of complaints.

"She has threatened to super glue herself to me, forced me to wear a pair of her boxers and nothing else, threatened to tell Sarah I am the King of Bestiality and Goblins, dropped me and one of her stories into an Oubliette for nearly a month, forced me to appear in whip cream and leather for her reviewers, defied me, poked me with a stick, and called me various nicknames that I would rather not repeat. "

The courtroom buzzed with creatures speaking to one another, surprised at the enormous list of offenses until one goblin bounced up and down in the back.

"Repeat names! Repeat names! Repeat names!"

Jareth flicked his wrist and the goblin flew out a window. The Wiseman shifted uncomfortably behind the bench and looked at Kris, who at this point was bopping in her seat and mouthing the words to 'Weasel Stomping Day', before he returned his attention to Jareth.

"And what is it your Majesty is suing for?"

Jareth smirked.

"I would like the Defendant to be fitted with a magic collar to restrict her from using her powers as scribe to further torture me."

Kris snapped back to reality at Jareth's words and quickly replaced her shocked look with a glare. The courtroom began to murmur again and the Wiseman banged the gavel until it was once again silent. He turned to Kris.

"Would the Defendant please make her case."

Kris nodded and stood.

"I would like to begin by pointing out that as much as he whines about it, the Goblin King would be utterly bored without me! I inject the chaos into his life, which then carries on into the way he rules the Labyrinth and as we all know, the Labyrinth is all about controlled chaos! Furthermore, he complains about all the nicknames but when I don't use them: he worries more than an overprotective Mother! It is my duty to call him names such as: Mister Fluffy Mullet, Sparkle Spandex Man, Grumpy Glitter Tights, Mr. Tights Too Tight For His Own Good, Royal Pain In My Highny, Senior Sparkle, Sir Spiky Hair…"

Jareth rolled his eyes.

"I think they get the point,"

Kris shrugged.

"Well I figured they'd get it after the first name but I thought I'd repeat them anyway, think of it as revenge for the poor goblin you sent out the window. In any case, my point is that despite all the how irritating the Goblin King thinks he finds me, he'd miss me if he had his way. If you put a magic collar on me, it will limit me creatively! If I'm limited creatively, my stories will be horrible and it will disgrace the kingdom!"

There was another burst of murmurs in the courtroom, until Kris spoke again.

"Besides, his Mullet-ness tortures and irritates me just as much as I do him!"

Jareth scoffed.

"I am King, it is my right."

Kris glared.

"Your Mom!"

Jareth scowled.

"Don't you dare bring Mother into this!"

Kris smirked.

"Make me!"

Jareth rolled his eyes.

"That's why I'm suing you, so I can make you behave yourself!"

Kris stuck her tongue out at him.

"I am behaving myself, I'm just not behaving the way you want me to!"

Jareth sighed heavily.

"There you go, twisting my words again."

"Pfffff, guess where I learned to do that, Fae Boy! I'll give you a hint, if you want to see who taught me, find a reflective surface and look into it!"

Jareth growled.

"You are so incredibly immature!"

"Your face is immature!"

"What the blast does that even mean!?"

"SILENCE!"

The entire courtroom looked at the Wise Man in shock; shock at not only the volume of his voice but the commanding tone behind it. The Wise Man shook his head and turned to the jury.

"Jury, go deliberate, make your verdict, I'm going to take a nap."

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**Kris: There you have it, now all you do is click on the review button, send a review, tell me whether your vote is guilty or not guilty and the next half will be written accordingly.**

Jareth: If you wish to be spared my fury, I'd suggest voting guilty.

**Kris: HEY! THESE ARE MY AUTHOR'S NOTES! YOU GET OUT!**

**Jareth: (scowls) You have no power over me, besides, the trial isn't over yet!**

**Kris: No influencing the readers! If you want to campaign for your side, write your OWN story called "Why I, Jareth, Think I'm So Flipping Awsome" and tell all the people how great you think you are there! (turns to readers) So please review and cast your vote!**

Jareth: Vote Guilty!

Kris: VOTE NON GUILTY!

Jareth: GUILTY!

**Kris: NON!**

**Jareth: GUILTY!**

**Kris: NON!**

**Goblin: CHICKEN!**

**Jareth and Kris: O.o What?**


	2. Chapter 2

**CoffeeKris: THANK YOU FOR VOTING. AND NOW FOR PART TWO! **

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Having finished his nap, the Wise Man returned to his seat and the court came to un-order again. The courtroom was full of murmuring until he banged the gavel a few times, cleared his throat, and blew his nose into a handkerchief so loudly that the room shook.

"All right, now that the jury has had time to deliberate. We shall hear their responses, individually."

Jareth scowled.

"Whatever for?"

The Wise Man shrugged.

"To increase the length of the story and because the jury's opinions were highly amusing to the defendant over there."

He gestured over to Kris who was spinning her chair in circles. Jareth sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Very well,"

The Wise Man peered down at the parchment in front of him.

"Now our first juror is Miss Alamasy, but I'm afraid she's exploded with indecision. Next is PaisleyRose."

PaisleyRose stood from her spot on the juror's bench and cleared her throat before speaking.

"I plead the fifth…the fifth of Scotch that is. Straight up, neat, and call me in the morning."

Kris reached down and pulled out a bottle of Scotch from her purse before running over and handing it and a tumbler to PaisleyRose. Jareth scowled at her.

"Do you always carry alcohol in your purse?"

Kris shook her head.

"No, sometimes I carry cupcakes."

He shook his head as the Wise Man called the next juror.

"Artemis Day!"

"I vote not guilty! I'm not scared of Gary Glitter over there!"

Jareth glared at Artemis before glaring at Kris.

"See what you've started?"

Kris didn't respond, as she was too busy giggling at the 'Gary Glitter' comment.

"hazlgrnLizzy!"

"Not guilty! Jareth's wrath be gone!"

"Anij!"

"Guilty!"

Jareth smirked over at Kris who blew a raspberry in Anij's general direction.

"OceanFae!"

"MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Everyone regarded Ocean strangely at the diabolical laughter, except for Kris who had joined in the laughter. Ocean calmed herself and spoke.

"Not guilty. I owe you one, Kris, for all the times you gave me a nekkid and chocolate covered Jareth…" She winked at Jareth and licked her lips before sitting down.

Kris spun around in her chair again.

"Saweet!"

Jareth mentally made a list of horrible punishments to put the jurors through.

"CrystalShores!"

Crystal stood and smiled.

"CoffeeKris, I, being a fangirl, most certainly vote-"

Jareth cut her off.

"She votes guilty."

Crystal shook her head.

"No, I vote-"

He cut her off again.

"Guilty."

She glared at him.

"NO I DO NOT!"

Jareth, however, had had enough of authors voting for Kris's side and was determined not to let another vote go to her.

"Your honor, I move that this Authoress, CrystalShores, is far too mentally affected by the fumes given off by the markers that have been used in her vicinity to be able to make a logical judgment. Also, her exclamation just then, hurt my royal ears. I move that she be executed and then killed again for annoyance to the Crown."

Crystal shook her head.

"But, I'm not-!"

He quickly cut her off again, conjuring a crystal.

"You look hungry. Peach?"

Crystal smiled thankfully.

"Awwwwwwww! Thanks Jar-Jar…Ooh, everything's da-..oh, no I did not just..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Jareth smirked.

"Now that THAT'S out of the way, I would like to tell my story for the Jury. That's Jury with a capital J, as that is how highly I think of you all, dear Jury…well, save for those of you who vote not guilty, I call you all Oubliette-bound instead."

He smiled and Kris let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like the word 'suckup'. Jareth ignored her and began his story.

" Why I, Jareth, Think I'm So Flipping Awesome: or more smartly-titled, Why CoffeeKris Is a Batty Scribe Who Deserves to Spend The Rest of Her Life in an Oubliette."

Kris let out a squeal.

"OOOH! My name's in it!"

Jareth continued.

"Because I'm King, and I say so. Any problems with that, loves? Also, because if you don't vote in my favor, you will find yourselves in a very, very dark place; with no chocolate. Or leather. Or silly nicknames referring to my hair, WHICH is amazing, and not poofy. At all!"

Kris frowned.

"Boo-urns! That story was horrid! Where was the passion? The mystery? The plot twist? I give you and F!"

She quickly grabbed a large wooden letter F out of her purse and tossed it at Jareth.

He caught it and looked at her strangely.

"What else do you have in that blasted thing?"

Kris shrugged.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverthing!"

The Wise Man shook his head and called the next juror.

"Raevenne!"

"Due to the fact that Jareth is FAR more amusing when he doesn't get his way, I vote not guilty!"

"jjellybean00"

"Not guilty! Oh and Kris? I think you enjoy this WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much."

Kris smiled and nodded her head.

"addrianna818!"

"CoffeeKris is not guilty! AND I can prove it." She pulled out an important looking piece of paper.

"Ahem! Under chapter 2, paragraph 3 of the FanFiction writers Bible, it says, and I quote: "The author of a fanfic (that is to say, FanFiction story) may use the characters of the TV show, Comic, Cartoon, Movie, Book, Anime/Magna or Game that she/he so desires in whatever way their imagination and creativity may think of or desire. Any pairings, crossovers, names, new characters, actions, thoughts or dreams the author writes are perfectly legal and within their right to do so." She resumed her seat.

"That is all."

The Wise Man nodded thoughtfully.

"What does the Prosecution say to this new evidence?"

Jareth smirked and flicked a wrist, causing adrianna to vanish.

"Oubliette."

Kris glared at him.

"Ooooooooooooooooh, when this is all over I'm gonna sooooooooo write a love story between you and Hoggle for that!"

"notwritten!"

"Guilty and Not Guilty!"

"JoytoDemFishies101!"

"Chicken!! No, just kidding. I would have to vote non guilty. Kris is right, your life would be very boring without her. Please don't throw me into the bog!"

Jareth sulked from his place.

"I make no promises."

"futrCSI1490!"

"I vote NOT GUILTY! Sorry Jareth, please be kind! But seriously, Kris is right; if she didn't bug you how dull would your life be, hm? It's called "being able to laugh at yourself", come on Kings are allowed to have fun too you know! So lighten up a little! And Kris can't be THAT bad, she did let you have Sarah... after a couple tries... BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT! Remember us fan girls LOVE you (to death), but Kris is right... you'd be bored stiff. My apologies again, Jareth…please don't hurt me!"

Jareth sighed heavily.

"WHY does everyone assume I'm going to hurt them?"

Kris shrugged.

"Cause you're the big bad Kingy? If you weren't suing me I bet they wouldn't assume that….I give you a funky fresh, fun edge and you know it!"

"Who says funky fresh anymore?"

"You just did! How lame is that! HA!"

Jareth sighed and muttered to himself.

"AmericanWoman!"

"I vote Chicken! Also, if Kris is forced into The Collar of Tedium, I'll superglue myself to His Majesty!"

"blood6theif!"

"I voteth non-guilty! Kristomaniac HAS EVERY RIGHT TO PUNISH HIS SOCK-MCTIGHTPANTINESS! IT IS HER DUTY! AND FURTHERMORE, THE DAY SHE THREW A CHOCOLATE-COVERED JARETH TO THE FG's WAS MY BIRTHDAY, WHICH MAKES IT OK!"

Kris tapped a finger on her chin.

"Kristomaniac eh? I like it!" she turned to Jareth "Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Nicknames can be fun!"

"impteen16!"

"Sorry Goblin King but having you mad at me would suck but to limit Kris would be a true crime so NOT GUILTY!"

"sylphxpression!"

"Let me think about this... Since there are already goblins in my bleedin' room every night, annoying little... Guilty. Sorry, but seriously!"

Kris frowned.

"How come she gets goblins and I don't?"

Jareth sent Kris a withering glance.

"Because you corrupt them!"

"mirror-child!"

"Me, being me, vote…NOT GUILTY! For the very insane reason that it amuses me greatly when the ways that make un-suspecting Goblin Kings angry are things that make me happy! Mu-ha-ha! Sorry, but totally Not Guilty."

"LaLaFaery!"

"Chicken! Ahem...I mean, ah, not guilty?"

She ducked under the table, causing the Wise Man to lean over to look at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Avoiding the Goblin King's glittery wrath!"

The Wise Man took a deep breath, fearing for what would come from the final verdict.

"Well then, with two votes of guilty, one and two halves of chicken and fifteen and two halves of not guilty, judgment goes to CoffeeKris. Not guilty!"

Kris jumped up from her spot and waved her hands over her head.

"WHOOOO! SWEET HORRIBLE FREEDOM! I won! I won! I REALLY REALLY WON!"

She danced around on the spot for a moment before stopping.

"If I won…. that means I can do this!"

She quickly scribbled a few words down on a piece of parchment and a large sturgeon dressed in a pair of Groucho Marx glasses appeared, she quickly grabbed it by the tail and whacked Jareth with it.

"MERRY FISHMAS GLITTER GURU!"

Jareth scowled and conjured a crystal menacingly just before Kris let out a gasp.

"OH MY GOD! LOOK! AND OBVIOUS DISTRACTION!"

Jareth just stood looking at her.

"I'm in trouble aren't I?"

"You just hit me with a large fish."

Kris nodded.

"So…I take that as a 'yes' then?"


End file.
